Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
