i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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