Porn is love you can see.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
