areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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