The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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