My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
