dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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