I faked an abortion last night.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
