"it" just moved
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
