WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
