and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
