Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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