he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
