Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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