Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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