So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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