well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
