Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
