I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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