it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
