were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
