State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
