another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You have to summon your inner elephant
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
