K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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