i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
