yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
