Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will pee on everything he values.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize