I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize