We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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