After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
