i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
