my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
