this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
