FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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