So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
