three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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