franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize