I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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