the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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