Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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