I showed him my bush... on skype.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My dick has a subreddit
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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