Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's shark week go big or go home
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
