we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
