It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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