A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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