Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
