if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
