3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
