How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
