either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
