Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
