she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
