His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
