Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
