Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
