Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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