the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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