Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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