can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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