So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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