Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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