Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
