Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
