we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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