People in love make me want to vomit
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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