I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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