I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
