ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
if only i could text you this smell
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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