i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My first STD was from a foam party
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
