You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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