I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
