He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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