My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize