Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
