Too much gin, very little bucket
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
