We won't sleep together?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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