so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
