I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
