I accidentally burped into my bong.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize