You're so nebulous sometimes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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