I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
