Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
