Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize