he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize