I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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