Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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