The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
