booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
