I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
try to milk me bitch
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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