i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
