no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
