I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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