The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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