my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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